When I’m Five

When I'm five
I will wash my face and hands all by myself
When I'm five i will chew and spit tobacco
Like my grandfather Jones
'Cause I'm only four and five is far away

When I'm five
I will read the magazines in mummy's drawer
When I'm five
I will walk behind the soldiers
In the May Day parade
'Cause I'm only four and
Grown-ups walk too fast

Yesterday was horrid day
'cause Raymond kicked my shin
And mummy says if I am good
She'll let me go to school in August
Daddy shouted loud at mummy and I
Dropped my toast at breakfast
And I laughed when Bonzo licked my face
Because it tickled
I wonder why my daddy cries and how
I wish that I was nearly five

When I'm five
I will catch a butterfly and eat
It and I won't be sick when I'm five
I will jump in puddles
Laugh in church and marry my mum
And I'll let my daddy do the washing-up

If I close one eye
The people on that side can't see me
I get headaches in the morning and
I rode on Freddie's tri-cy-cle
And everywhere was funny
When I ran down to the sweetshop
Then I fell and bleeded-up my
Knee and everybody soppied me

I saw a photograph of Jesus and I
Asked him if he'd make me five
I saw a photograph of Jesus and I
Asked him if he'd make me five when I'm five
When I'm five when I'm oah