PBS

Elmo's out in the hood one morning
So pissed off that he put out a warning
Said if he ever see Ernie or Bert
Swear on his life that they gonna get hurt
'Cause Bert and Ern' got a hood operation
Heard sellin' O's was a good occupation
So they came with a foolproof plan
To go in the business and make a few grand
But everything around here's Elmo's turf
Ever since he first had beef with the smurf
All he ever found was a little white hat
Stained with the blue blood
Couldn't strike back
Once again, gotta prove he's no slouch
Gets on the phone, calls Oscar the Grouch
Tells him he'll get ten-thousand a head
For Bert and Ern' if they're both found dead
Grouch is a big thug, carries a 'K
And somebody's always getting carried away
When he come around trippin'
Them boys better not come around slippin'
They'll be underground drippin'
Grover's outside, in front of Crown Chicken
Trying to talk Zoe into coming down strippin'
They see Grouch and they hop in the store
Grouch starts shootin'
They drop to the floor
"So why's he shootin' at him and the bitch?"
Word on the street is Grover's a snitch
Turns state's evidence got Big Bird locked
Gave cops the address to his residence
For the right kind of presidents
You can get shot on the spot, no hesitance
But anyway, the drive-by fail
Ernie on the run, Grouch hot on the trail
Bert said 'enough of this'
Got on the phone, called his own hitman
Snuffleupagus
He said 'we got a problem, Snuff
Elmo's mad and this boy don't bluff'
He wants me and Ern' in the morgue
But I ain't going out like Kermit the Frog
He got both legs chopped off
And died with some fries on the
Side and some hot sauce
They had a business connection
Now Miss Piggy's in the witness protection
Bert said 'we gotta act first
'cause I ain't gonna ride in the
Back of a black hearse
Mom's dressed up in the black church
With a black dress and a black purse'
Snuff' said 'don't sweat it
Elmo and his whole team gon' get it
But it won't be a fun job
So I brought in my homeboy, Spongebob'
Snuffy and Sponge' ridin' round in the funk
Elmo and Count out front gettin' drunk
Sponge', he got a '9
Snuffy got a big black sword of punk
That he keeps in the trunk
They jump out the car like a scene in a movie
Count throws his cape back, dude got an uzi
He lets off every shot in the gun
400 rounds and he counted each one
Elmo's smilin', he's so cunning
He knew they were coming, so he's not running
Grouch pops out of a trash can, gunning
Shooting every which-a-way
Shots like picture day
Sound like the Vietnam War
Snuffy catch four, Spongebob gets away
You wonder how he escaped?
Snuffy didn't know that Sponge' was a snake
He's been hanging with Elmo's crew since he
Fell out with Patrick back in '02
They jump in the truck and they ride out
On their way to Bert and Ern's hideout
They had Spongebob show the way
He was over there just the other day
They lock and load it with a full clip
But y'all know, this is pure bullshit