Egregious Tinder Date

[Verse: Quare]
You are not gonna believe who I hooked up with on Tinder
I think I hooked up with the dumbest person on Tinder
Cause how come I’m tryna ask you your favorite shows to get to know you better
And you said your favorite show was Twitter
And then I’m confused, I thought you didn’t get it
So I emphasize it more this time and I repeat the question
So you say you know we’re talking about shows and shit
But then you go on to say how like, your taste is subjective
So now since obviously there’s something that you misunderstood
I start talking about how The Last of Us is really good
Still can’t tell if you know what a show is, but at least we’re kinda getting somewhere
Until you say you think it’s cool that it was adapted from a book
And then I say no, it was adapted from a video game
And then you say you didn’t know they made it into a game
So I say listen it’s the other way around and there never was a book
And then you fuckin’ tell me, and I quote, “can you stop please”
I really had no idea what I did but I just said sorry
Cause I’m kinda stuck here and most people don’t even want to date me
So now I’m tryna just not do it again or whatever the fuck
I’m honestly confused like you seemed a lot cooler over text
So now you choose the topic and we’re on fucking favorite colors
And you’re starting off so you tell me yours is blue
So I’m going along with it and I tell you mine is green
So tell me why the fuck you said “ew”
So I point it out, and you say “no but like I still love that for you”
As if what you said wasn’t really fuckin’ mean
And I also wanna know what you have against green
But if I say any of that shit you’ll probably get mad at me
So instead what happens is shit kinda gets quiet
And we end up, like, spending the rest of fucking night in silence
So then we kinda just get up and say our goodbyes
And say some shit like “I’ll see you another time”
And for some goddamn reason we actually follow through with that
Honestly at this point I was just like morbidly curious
So we pick a date and restaurant and all that other shit
And I’m like "Okay cool, I’ll see you tomorrow"
So tell me why the fuck I wake up at 2 a.m
And I hear glass fucking shattering outside my bedroom
And I get up to see what the hell happened
And I see your dumbass sprawled across the floor
And before I can ask how the fuck you got my address
You fucking get up and start fucking yelling at me
Asking me all of this shit about our date
Like bitch it is 2 a.m. in the goddamn morning
And you’re like, “the date was supposed to start an hour ago”
Bitch, it’s eleven hours from now, you could not be more off
And you’re telling me how the restaurant was closed
And you’re saying it was supposed to be open at 1 o’clock
You mistook the afternoon for the morning, you are retarded
And you broke my fucking window, you trampled my garden
And the door was locked because you are not even supposed to be here
But you can use the door this time when you fucking leave here
So then I sit there and watch you speed off in your car
I don’t even know how you drive considering how idiotic you are
You probably use your parents license cause you look alike or some shit
Cause there’s no way in hell you actually passed that test
But that still doesn’t explain how you haven’t crashed and died
Honestly you probably did and just came back to life
But you only came back with like half your brain like a zombie
Honestly at this point that is the most logical explanation
Or you call an Uber to drive you everywhere you go
But the Uber shows up like 12 hours early and has rocks for brains
But despite all that shit can drive relatively safely
And can also track people down and works for the fucking CIA
And my window is still broken, I don’t even know how I’ll fix it
You should be glad I didn’t go to the cops about this shit
I don’t think I could afford both a window and a lawyer
And it would just take too much time even if pays for the former
Honestly you’ll probably end up in prison regardless
Considering how it’s illegal to be that fucking retarded
So now I’ve deleted Tinder cause I’ve had enough
Your dumbass can’t read a goddamn clock, like my fucking grandpa

[Outro: Lil Shungite]
Watch out Fido, you’re about to get slimed