The Ugly Truth

I know you hope to go to the big you-know-where
And you're here to try to earn your ticket there
Better listen now or you haven't got a prayer
Let me break it down, ooh

If you want someone to love ya
Babe, you gotta look like me (like me)
Gotta be flawless, pure perfection, not for shelf (not a shelf)
And my first impression of ya, as far as I can see (can see)
Is you simply can't compete with my sweet self (your sweet self)
Is your hair as thick as mine? (no)
Are your arms as pumped as mine? (no)
Are the moves you got as drop-dead hot as this?
(No, no, they ain't)
Is your profile half this fine? (no)
If not, let me hit you with the bottom line
Got to measure up or you won't get eternal bliss (oh)

So let me be honest (onest)
I got to be honest (honest)
I'm gonna be honest (ah yeah)
Whether you like it or not

You're much too short (too short)
You're way too thin (too thin)
Is that a blemish on your double chin? (oh man)
Don't ever walk a runway (no)
Or man a kissing booth (mwah)
You're U-G-L-Y (ugly)
And that's the ugly truth

You ugly, ah ah, you ugly
You ugly, ah ah, you ugly

Now perhaps I've just upset ya
But people, let's get real (get real)
It's the most exclusive club that you want in (want in)
There's a price to pay, you bet ya
Hey, you gotta look ideal (ideal)
Or you'll end up in the old recycling bin (recycling bin)
Is your smile as white as this? (no)
Are your glutes as tight as this? (no)
Then they'll trash it and they'll mash it into glue (oh, poor poor you)
Just a flaw as slight as this
Just one tiny detail, it's a big ol' mess
Oops, oh well, I'm sorry, sayonara, too-da-loo (ooh)

But hey, I can help ya (oh yeah)
Well, possibly help ya (oh yeah)
Well, hopefully help ya (oh yeah)
But most of you, probably not

Your head's too small (too small)
Your neck's too long (too long)
Your nose starts right but then ends up all wrong (so wrong)
Mm, that tiny freckle (ugh)
Ooh, that crooked tooth
You're U-G-L-Y (ugly)
And that's the ugly truth

U-G-L-Y, face like that, why even try?
U-G-L-Y, back that hip like triple fry
U-G-L-Y, sorry if that makes you cry
You're ugly, so ugly, so
Wait!

Look at you, look at you, look at you
I ain't seen nothing like you before
I mean, words fail me, I mean I'm tongue-tied
I mean I'm speechless, baby
What's a thing like you doing in a place like this?
I gotta tell ya, girl, you're pretty (pretty ugly)

And that's the ugly truth
U-G-L-Y, heard your looks make you cry
Yeah, so sorry 'bout the truth
U-G-L-Y, cross my heart and hope to die
Woo, 'cause that's the ugly truth
U-G-L-Y, love to kiss my lunch goodbye
Yeah, you're U-G-L-Y
And that's the ugly truth