Growing Pains

I know that I'm not who I used to be
The kid caught catching backpacks
Seldom camaraderie

But I get stuck in stupid places
Corners of my mind will cave in
I can't help but fear reality

What does it mean?

I know my friends all like me
And my girlfriend knows I'm trying
And just last year I was dying
And then coming back from death

And I'm back and forth with fig and the band
They don't let things get out of hand
Stop me when I need to catch my breath

Am I a mess?

And my van keeps me company
When I find it hard to sleep
[my van is a boat and my boat is a van]

He tells me he'll keep all the secrets
That I want him to keep
[my van is a boat and my boat is a van]