Trouble and Strife

WELL THERE ONCE WAS A MAN CALLED BROADWAY JIM
HE HAD THE IDEA I WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM
HE CAME REAL CLOSE LOOKED INTO MY EYES
SAID I NEVER MET A MAN THAT I COULDN'T DESPISE
THEN HE CUT OFF MY TAIL WITH A CARVING KNIFE
GIVE ME TEN LONG YEARS OF TROUBLE AND STRIFE

WELL THE NICE YOUNG MEN FROM THE RODEO
CAME DOWN TO VIRGINIA JUST TO SAY HELLO
THEY BROUGHT A LOT OF RIFLES
AND THEY BROUGHT A LOT OF GUNS
LORD THEY WERE TRYNA HAVE SOME GOOD CLEAN FUN NEXT THING YOU KNIOW YOU'RE RUNNIN' FOR YOUR LIFE FOR TEN LONG YEARS OF TROUBLE AND STRIFE

WELL I ONCE HAD A MAN HE WAS TALL AND LEAN
TREATED ME LIKE A SUPERSTAR QUEEN
WE HAD A LITTLE CAT GOT STUCK IN A TREE
SO WE PLAYED HIM A RECORD BY PEGGY LEE
HE SAID WHO IS THAT WOMAN? GOTTA MAKE HER MY WIFE GIVE HER TEN LONG YEARS OF TROUBLE AND STRIFE

THERE ONCE WAS A GIRL CALLED SALLY G
AND SHE BUILT HERSELF A NEST IN A REDWOOD TREE
SAID GOODBYE TO HER MOTHER SAID GOODBYE TO HER BOSS
SOLD HER POSSESSIONS AT A TERRIBLE LOSS
THEN THEY TRIED TO CUT IT DOWN WITH A SWITCHBLADE KNIFE
TOOK EM TEN LONG YEARS OF TROUBLE AND STRIFE

I THINK I'M GONNA MOVE DOWN TO NEW ORLEANS
BUY MYSELF A PAIR OF DESIGNER JEANS
GONNA SEE WHAT'S COOKIN' GONNA MAKE THE ROUNDS BY THE TIME I'M FINISHED WEIGH A THOUSAND POUNDS IT'S A DOGGONE SHAME IT'S THE STORY OF MY LIFE
TEN LONG YEARS OF TROUBLE AND STRIFE