The Girlie Had a Mustache

I was cruisin' down the avenue
Early one Friday
When I saw what I thought was
A lady walkin' my way
I turned my back to use my Binaca Blast
And I said, "Hm hm, excuse me
" and she walked past
She was about 5'6", or maybe six and a half
With a body like a goddess, man
This girl was bad!
Tight leather pants that fit like a drum
And two big - yeah well, she had some
Anyway from behind she was fine
But when she turned around
Her mustache was bigger than mine
At first I laughed, cause yo
To me that was funny
But the laughter ceased when
She said: "Hey honey!"
At first I was confused
I was somewhat spell-bound
My mouth wide open and my chin on the ground
And then it hit me, like a bolt from the sky
I thought: hold up - wait -
This girl is a guy?!
I tried to get away, I said, "Well
Never mind
Maybe I'll see you some other time"
But then he grabbed me by my arm
And told me I couldn't leave
And said, "Hey boy
You look mighty cute in them jeans!"
This had to be the most
Embarrassing thing in the world
My whole neighborhood was watchin me get
Beat up by a girl and when my homeboys came
They didn't let me explain
They said, "Prince, you're a sucker
You should be ashamed"
My pride was busted right along with my eye
'Cause my homeboys didn't realize that
This girl was a guy
And in retrospect I had to laugh
I can't believe I didn't notice that
This girlie had a mustache

I remember last year, the day was October 5th
And my family went away on a weekend ski trip
And they left $100 and a note by the phone
That said: 'Don't have any company
Till we get home'
No company? I'm 18! They must be jokin'!
And by 10 my crib was smokin'
All of my friends with their hands in the air
Screamin' (PARTY OVER HERE, PARTY OVER THERE)
The party was jammin' till at least about 5
And as my friends were leaving
They were like "Homes, it was live!"
I thought the party was over
But really was just beginnin'
I turned around I thought I was dreamin'
I saw four women dressed in red leather
Tight to their booties
I gestured with my index finger: come here
Cuties
I tried to be chill, I didn't wanna scare 'em
I said, "Hi, my name's the Prince
" they said, "Hi Prince, we're your harem"
I didn't waste time
I started shootin' the gift i said
"Y'all the type of girls I'd like
To spend some time with"
I walked upstairs, my adrenaline was pumpin'
Till one hit me in the head
With a lamp or somethin
The next thing I remember is
Wakin' up nearly dead
With another Fred Flintstone lump on my head
Of course I was mad
This type of thing can burn at you
They tied me up and they
Were stealin' my furniture
I said, "Yo sweetheart
What's wrong with you?
What kind of stuff is this for a
Nice girl like you to do?"
She turned around and smiled and laughed
And that's the way that I noticed
That the girlie had a mustache
Not four girls, four guys!
They were in disguise
It was a set up all the time
I made a complete fool of myself that day
My parents were pullin' up just as the
U haul truck was pullin' away
They walked in, looked like they seen a ghost
There I was
Gagged and bound and tied to the bed post
My pop walked in and
Asked a brilliant question
"Son, where's the furniture and why
Is your room so messy?"
Obviously Sherlock Holmes had been arrived
I said, "What do you think, dad
Maybe we were robbed?!"
"I'm tied up, nothing's in one piece
Let's discuss the facts later, mom
Please call the police"
I wanted to have a party
I thought I was clever
My pop told me I was on punishment forever!
And in retrospect I had to laugh
I can't believe I didn't notice that
The girlie had a mustache