Work Sucks

in my dreams i quit my job, it was pretty cool…
but i woke up, i still work there, i feel like a fucking tool

i called my boss and told him i have a family emergency
little did he know, i don’t even have a family

my head hurts!
my car broke down!
i’ve been kidnapped!
i am lost!
i can’t see!
my shoes don’t fit!
my phone is dead
and so am i!

excuse my absence, but under the circumstance
i’m a danger to myself and to my coworkers

so i can’t come in to work today
sorry, boss, i’m calling in gay

in my dreams i quit my job, it was pretty cool…
why look for work if every job will be this miserable?

my head hurts!
my house burned down!
my bird flew away!

i got arrested
for public urination
i’m in Europe
my flight was delayed
i’m also in the hospital
ashworth hospital
in liverpool
(liverpool, england
in case you didn’t know)
the nurse confiscated
my passport
she’s a brexiteer
we’re getting married
it’s my only way
out of here
fuck theresa may
i’ll see you monday
in a couple weeks
or a few months
save my parking spot
thanks for understanding
have a nice day :)

to whom it may concern: please don’t hire me
just leave my check in the mail
if being unemployed means being a failure
then I am proud to fail