Ode de Toilet (The Toilet Song)

She says not to buy her flowers
Or big expensive gifts
She says she don't want jewelry
And she doesn't need another dress
If I want to show her how much I adore her
The best way that I've found
Is to make sure when I'm finished
I put that toilet seat down

We've been to counciling
To try and see the ways we could improve
This thing between us
And different ways to show each other "I love you"
Forget about those getaway vacations
To romantic coastal towns
If you want to say "I love you"
Then put that toilet seat down

'Cause in the middle of the night
It's cold and it's dark
And when I hear my name in vain
I know I haven't done my part
She just wants me to support her
And the best way that I've found
So with a gentle hand and a loving touch
I put that toilet seat down

I know it's kind of funny
You can teach a little puppy
But it's very hard to train a grown man
When I'm all about my business
And the path of least resistance
She's the one that suffers in the end

In the middle of the night
It's cold and it's dark
And when I hear my name in vain
I know I haven't done my part
She just wants me to support her
And the best way that I've found
So with a gentle hand and a loving touch
I put that toilet seat down
Down, down