Psychopathic Psychiatric Care

Hello and welcome to
Psychopathic Psychiatric Assistance!
Please listen to the automated menu
And choose from the
Following options that best fit your mood and
Or symptoms
If you suffer from necrophilia press one
But we highly doubt you're suffering
If you are obsessive compulsive
Press two one hundred times
If you have multiple personalities
Press three, four, five, and six
If you are delusional
Press seven and your call will
Be transferred to Niberau
If you are co-dependent ask someone
To press eight for you
If you are paranoid we know who
You are, what you want
And we're going to kill you
Press nine and stay on line long enough
So that we may trace your call
If you are depressive it really doesn't
Matter which number you press
Because no one cares about you
And we don't either
71717171 press dyslexic are you if
If you have low self-esteem
You should probly hang
Up as your call isn't worth our time
If you're schizophrenic we're confident the
Voices in your head
Will tell you which secret number to press
If you have short-term memory loss do you
Seriously remember what you're
Calling about?
If you have a nervous disorder place
Your shaken hands on the
Phone and press whatever numbers you
Can until you hear a