The Vatican Rag

Another big news story of year concerned the ecumenical council in Rome
Known as Vatican II
Among the things they did
In an attempt to make the church more commercial
Was to introduce the vernacular into portions of the mass, to replace Latin
And to widen somewhat the range of music permissible in the liturgy
But I feel that if they really wanna sell the product in-
In this secular age
What they ought to do is to redo some of the liturgical music in popular song forms
I have a modest example here
It's called the Vatican Rag

First you get down on your knees
Fiddle with your rosaries
Bow your head with great respect
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect

Do whatever steps you want if
You have cleared them with the pontiff
Everybody say his own Kyrie, eleison
Doin' the Vatican Rag

Get in line in that processional
Step into that small confessional
There the guy who's got religion'll
Tell you if your sin's original
If it is, try playin' it safer
Drink the wine and chew the wafer
Two, four, six, eight
Time to transubstantiate

So get down upon your knees
Fiddle with your rosaries
Bow your head with great respect
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect

Make a cross on your abdomen
When in Rome do like a Roman
Ave Maria, gee it's good to see ya
Gettin' ecstatic and sorta dramatic and
Doin' the Vatican Rag