Awake Every Night

Try to be something I'm not
Okay
Lately I've been through a lot
Insane
Will it work out in the end
I'm not sure
How long can I live in pretend
Yeah yeah yeah

I'm afraid of nothing, but not in the way you think
I'm afraid of writing a book and then running out of ink
See I got a lot of options
Not too many problems
But still, I'm a sad boy, not ready for the blossom
I really think I'm weak
I stop drinking, about 11 times the same week
Waking up exhausted
This is the moment, you realise that you've lost it
And I feel so much pain
Can't control what's going on inside my own brain
Even on the sunny days I only see rain
Sitting in my room, while I'm missing my train
All I see is darkness
Everyone who falls in love, they gotta be heartless
Cause there comes a time, where you all gonna talk less
And now you're just a shadow, guess that's why they call it dark days

The sky is blue
And so am i
Please hold me down
Won't touch the sky
Don't know how much longer that I can stay
Patiently waiting to fade away
Cause I'm a flower boy
This is not what I want, but do I have a choice
Y'all are bussing like bees, me you annoy
Honey here's a cup of seeds, hope you enjoy

Awake every night
Demons in my mind
They won't let me sleep, and I don't know how to hide
My life is like a movie, where I didn't get the role
Smiling at my friends, cause I will never let em' know
Pretty sure I'm done, pretty pretty sure I've lost it
Pretty sure it's time to pay, and I know what the cost is
This is not the letter, this is not my last goodbye
Just something I can do whenever tears fall from my eyes
Sitting in a silent room, crying out for help
Don't know anybody, I don't even know myself
Repeating simple phrases, just to know that I'm alive
Remembering it doesn't even matter if I try
I don't think I remember the last time I went to bed happy
Thinking that tomorrow's gonna be the day I will do something
Something that's not worthless
Something that makes you proud
Something I wanna go to everybody and shout
But I'm afraid I'll always be the one to take a step back
Cause when it comes to working hard there's always something that I lack
Is it the motivation
Is it the inspiration
Is it the fear of falling deeper into feeling like I'm helpless

Don't get me wrong my friend
You're not about to lose me
In desperate need of change
But the devil tryna do me
Staring at the void
No one to guide me out
In the end, I'm just a boy
Not ready for the clouds
Sometimes I don't wanna die
I just don't want to live
Wanna say my last goodbye
But don't want you to live
Without me by your side
So I can't let myself go
Fuck it

These painkillers are killing me
But at least they take the pain away
Will someone remember me
Or was I meant for nothing
I don't want to be alone
Every day of the week
So I cry out for help at night
Don't wanna show that I'm weak

I've been drinking, crying, staying awake
I haven't even started and I'm already late
Sitting in a rented car, pedal to the floor
I don't know much, but I know I need a break
Even when I'm with you, I feel so alone
Anxiety, every time you pick up your phone
Everybody knows that you're fucking that dude
I wanna ask why but don't wanna be rude

What the fuck was that
Get out of my head
Yeah I'll keep looking for the worst
Till the day that I'm dead