The Tardy Hearse

[Intro]
There's a tardy hearse with a body in the back
And the mourners are standing in the pouring rain
I'll make you a bet: five will get you a ten
That boy won't beat that light on Main

[Verse 1]
There's a tardy hearse with a body in the back
And the mourners are standing in the pouring rain
I'll make you a bet: five will get you a ten
That boy won't beat that light on Main
There's a cranky priest checking his watch
Got a couple more to preach today
And the widow in the street, just stamping her feet
Shouting things a widow oughtn't to --
Say, I know your folks! Your Daddy went to school with mine
I seem to recollect he died in '89
Anyway, here it comes! Took a right on Fifth
Running all the signs he should behave
It makes you think he might kill more
Trying to get that body to the grave

[Bridge]
He said he didn't care, we could bury him up there
In the hills with a shovel and a prayer:
Tune up all your rusty strings, let every Christian sing
I'm gonna dance when I go to meet my King!
But that brought tears to her eyes, she said it wasn't civilized
A man should stick around, even when he dies
I'd rather bury you in town and see your body lowered down
With a wooden marker sticking in the ground
(Honk honk honk!)

[Verse 2]
There's a tardy hearse with a body in the back
And the mourners are shouting and cheering him on
A fellow could make a tidy haul
If that boy don't make it to the lawn
The man in black must be his boss
I bet that there'll be hell to pay
And the driver in the hearse with the body in the back
Won't live to drive another day
He got a body back across the county line
Ten minutes flat, I wonder if he'll beat that time?
Get your shovels out, dig another hole
We got another one to plant today
For the driver of the hearse with the body in the back
Just hit that widow in the way