Excuse My Brother

Tony, Tony, Tony,
Only had a couple!

But he?s had a fair few shots
And he starts to swear a lot,
But she hasn?t bared a drop,
And thus?everyone stares too much

Cor blimey, see that bird take a good look at her skirt,
Oh me word, I can see heaven take me far from Earth,
I?ll have some of that love, how much are you worth?
No I?m not being tricky love, this glass is me first,
Now how about a score, OK then 25,
Why did you slap me for, I was trying?a be kind,
Go get your boyfriend then, I ain?t gonna run,
So what if he?s a boxer, I?m already numb.
Now out of the way, its me turn ?same again son?
What did you say cunt, I?ll tell you when I?m done,
I?m drunk, you?re flippin drunk, in fact you?re raw some,
Come on then, lets have it then, now where the hells me gun?
Oh you all think it?s a joke, well lets just see,
When I count to three, you will all respect me,
Dead bag I Tony, everyone knows me,
What?s wrong now sweetheart, are we getting cold feet?

Excuse me, can I have a word outside if you please
Tony: What if I refuse, what are you gonna do geez?
Mike: Oi, lets cut to the chase, did you disrespect me Stace?
Tony: Oh you mean that slag, she?s a bloody disgrace
I offered her 25, and she slapped me in me face
I mean, would you believe it Ted? Right in me face!
She?s lucky she didn?t get put right in her place,
That?s it, I?ve had enough, outside, come on lets go now!
Teddy: Listen bruv, that?s enough,
I?ll put it blunt, you?re looking like a cunt,
Breathe in, breathe out,
Or you?ll end up in the back of the meatvan
Like you always do when you have a glass of gin and juice,
Causing trouble in the venue,
What you trying to make the 10 o?clock news?
No, no, don?t talk, your ignorance will be a downfall,
What you gotta shout loud for,
Embarrassing yourself when you?re outdoors,
Talking like you got big balls,
Gritting your teeth like a pitbull,
Looking like you?re gonna be sick,
Dude check yourself mate, you?re a Mitchell

Please excuse my brother,
He?s got too much booze in his bladder,
Giving you all the chitter-chatter,
Getting all rude in a geezer manner.
Please accept my apologies on his behalf,
And I don?t think that he really meant to squeeze your arse,
But he was being an idiot,
That I can?t deny, I must admit,
That he was out of line, and he pushed it just a little bit
But what about you though, showing off flesh like a sumo,
Your skirts up too high, and your top?s cut too low,
And there?s your boyfriend, acting like a boss kinda like Hugo,
Put yourself in my brother?s shoes mate,
What if it was you bro?
Lets just all get along,
Do a little dance to some songs,
Forget about this nonsense,
We can all move on!

Tony, Tony, Tony,
Only had a couple!