(I Must Be a Proctologist Because...) All I Do Is Deal w/ Assholes

[Verse 1]
Well, contrary to what you think, and what you've seen on MTV
You don't have to be an asshole all the time
Watch me as I take this knife out of my back
To cut wrists and throat, I'll laugh, bleed to death, choke
I've been used for all I'm worth, can't feed your ego anymore
Or be that friend who would take a shot for you
Why not do one fucking thing that isn't for your fucking self?
You'll cry and I'll laugh at you

[Chorus 1]
'Cause I'll be gone tomorrow, and you'll look into the mirror
And you'll lie (You'll lie!) when you claim to care
"I can't believe he's gone for good"
"I wish I could've said something"
Don't kid yourself, you were never there for me, complacently

[Verse 2]
You down talk me and all the kids agree
You're irreverent as you feign respect for me
Anger and pressure build up inside of me
I'll explode and you'll fake a frown
So, are you happy now?
Yeah, you got what you wanted
You got your third second chance
You got the fifteen dollars out of your pocket
My last will and testament will claim you shall get
Stoned to shit at my, my funeral

[Chorus 2]
And when I'm gone tomorrow, you'll talk to your new shiny friends
And you'll lie (you'll lie!) when you claim to care
"Let's have a toast to our old friend"
"He'll be there in our memories"
Go fuck yourself, I won't waste my time there

[Outro]
And it's so easy, and it's so easy, and it's so easy, and it's so easy
And it's so easy, and it's so easy, and it's so easy to just give up