A Star Is Born
(spoken)
March 12th, 1954
Hollywood, USA, is in an uproar
(sung)
What's the cause of the wild commotion in Starland?
Is it merely another tantrum by Garland?
Is it Beverly Tyler's return to the screen?
Or the beguine begun by Nan McFarland?
There's a rumor that the exciting event is
Warner Brothers' reissuing Nora Prentiss
Maybe Crawford and Stanwyck have launched a new drive
To try and revive the loves of
Martha Ivers, Thelma Jordan, Mildred Pierce, and Harriet Craig
All these rumours are vague and untrue
Then what's the hullabaloo?
It's not the revelations of Garbo laying her soul bare
Telling of her extreme affection for Colbert
Nor is it the discovery that Elizabeth Scott really is not a girl
Then why is Movieland in a whirl?
What is all the to-do?
It's the recent arrival of a rival to Merle
I mean the earth-shaking birth of Kitty Lou
Hollywood is all askew, topsy-turvy
From Bine Venuta to Irene Hervey
Everyone in Hollywood's gay
For a star is born today
Look at Hepburn weeping on Shearer's sables
Vera-Ellen leaping on glass-top tables
Betty Grable kissing Al Faye
For a star is born today
Annie Miller has the gang responding
To the urge of her taps
Piper Laurie's on the urge of a total collapse
Praise the miracle of a new star nearing
Even Maggie Sullivan feels like cheering
Joan Tone is telling Fay Wray
That a star is born, yes a star is born today
While her daddy's handing out the cigars
Kathy Lou's getting presents from all the stars
Everybody who's anybody has sent a gift by starlift
Ethel Merman sent an ermine bib in mauve and blue
Joanie Wanger's sent a manger lined with marabou
Ann Doran sent the can aflit
Irene Dunne sent a nun to baysit
Swanson's set a pale magenta mink upholsetered car
Rita Gam a silent samovar
Oliv' de Havilland sent some gravel and
Half a ton of tile, cement, and tar
To pave the driveway 'round the home of our star
Ona Munson sent a Bunson burner just for kicks
Osa Massen sent a bassinet and swizzle sticks
Alan Ladd sent some mad perfume
Myrna Loy sent a toy projection room
Rossellini sent martini mix for formula
Anthony Quinn sent a sequined bra
A maid of Kit Cornell sent a doll that yells
"Really, darling!" instead of "Ma"
The perfect present for the budding young star
Dottie Howard sent a flowered handkerchief of Mag's
Rita Johnson sent a Ronson and a pack of fags
Lucille Ball sent a calling card
And the gun used in Sunset Boulevard
Brenda Holden sent a golden mammal telephone
Sylvia Sydney sent her kidney stone
Laraine Durocher was strictly kosher, she
Sent a case of Manischewitz wine
The other stars are building Kathy a shrine
But let's get back to Hollywood and Vine
Ann McNulty, on her knees, lights a candle
Whispers to her rosaries some new scandat
Annie's only trying to pray
For the star that's born today
Lana Turner saw the tyke, called her Cheryl
Said she looks exactly like Gary Merrill
Gary thinks she looks like Turhan Bey
The star that's born today
Elly Powell's taking all her tap shoes out of moth balls, tonight
While Veronica de Toth balls in utter delight
Says Ricardo Montalbán, "Dinky's narrow
But she'll have more children than Maureen Farrow
All as talented as Ida K
Like the star that's born, like the star that's born today"
Although time is mean
And though fame is void
And though film turns green
And myth's destroyed
Still the day we've seen
Kathy Lou employed
On the silver screen
We'll be overjoyed
More like Lauriet Jean
And like William Boyd
She will be the queen
Of the celluloid
Burgess Meredith
Even Hedy Lamarr
And the D.A.R
All the kin and kith
Whether near or far
Think Miss Hollarith
Is spectacular
Like Alexa Smith
And like Deborah Kerr
She's a junior myth
And a friendly star
So bring on the rhythm
And the caviar
And let's go!
While the bits pour in from every major studio!
Metro, after flying to scout the midwest
Says that they are dying to bring that kid west
Dore Schary wants to be called Doray
'Cause a star was born today
Fox was given Katherine Lou's description
She's replacing Brando in The Egyptian
Paramount has bought the passion play
For the star that's born today
Junie Preisser has done twenty-seven of her dazzling routines
Junie's tired, but the jazz lingers on in her genes
Busby Berkeley sound your horn, sound your claxon
For today a star is born, out in Jackson, Mich
Make a wish
And wish that tiny star, well
Be glad she's born beneath the star of Jane Darwell
Shout hooray!
A star, star, star, star is born today!
Kathy Lou!
Here's to you
From Lena Horne
And Phillip Dorn
And Marion Lorne
It's California's
Lucky morn'
A star is born
