Salt Lake Girls

My momma done told me “gotta leave L.A.”
She had a hunch there was a likelihood of a nuclear attack
And there’s a place I heard about that’s just a 13-hour drive
Brimming with women who are pretty pretty pretty
They specialize in making guys feel glad to be alive
I’m talking about a town called Salt Lake City
A guy named Brigham Young had a divine vision
Of a boy-to-girl ratio better than 1-to-3
So they started a tradition sanctified by their religion
It’s a scene that’s really bitchin called polygamy

They got snow-capped mountains rising up everywhere
And nubile Mormon coeds with byu carved into their pubic hair

They’re into loving and giving
And communal living
Stockpiling drugs and guns
Is just their way of having fun
The beer is two percent
The broads are heaven sent
Nobody does aerobics
Everyone is homophobic
Utah’s not overrun with aids
You’ll hardly ever see a pair of rollerblades

They got snow-capped mountains rising up everywhere
And nubile Mormon coeds with byu carved outta their pubic hair

My momma done told me “gotta leave L.A.”
Rush Limbaugh said there’s gonna be a nuclear attack
So I’m packing up my shit and I’m leaving today
I’ve got a gallon of water and a kilo of smack
And there’s a place I heard about that’s just a 13-hour drive
Brimming with women who are pretty pretty pretty
They specialize in making guys feel glad to be alive
I’m talking about a town called Salt Lake City
A guy named Brigham Young had a divine vision
Of a boy-to-girl ratio better than 1-to-3

And they got snow-capped mountains rising up everywhere