Pistol Dave

Boom boom boom what’s up now, motherfucker?

Dave, the ex-con driving old trucks
Don’t give a flyin' fuck if
You’re sober or drunk
Just move the hell over punk, hurry up go
Dave threw a Big Gulp out the window

There’s a pair of testicles hangin'
Off the back bumper
Where’s the dick? Sittin’ in
The driver’s seat, brother
Dave, the dusted dirtbag burnout
We found him passed out in the
Bathroom of some girl’s house

When he came to, he was still in a daze
He said, "What it do…I’m Pistol Dave’
Dave, the codeine freak with lower back pain
Always knows a guy who knows a
Guy from back in the day always like, ‘Hey
I knew your pops growin’ up
Looks like the fart doesn’t fall
Far from the butt
Tell your moms I said what up
Ask your nana how lesbians make love
Hey…when can we take drugs?'

Dave, the dope fiend shootin’ dopes
Who don’t know the meaning of homie nor bloke
He said ‘I got bullets, hurry up run!’
Way too many triggers for a man with one gun

He said ‘It’s no fun bein’ all work, or
At least I’d rather work this piece, peace
Be back in a minute don’t leave’
But like my dad don’t expect him
Back when he goes for smokes legend has it
I’m still waiting for Dave in Park Slope

Dave, the first to draw, the quickest to aim
(the quickest to aim)
The fully loaded love we made
(the love we made)
He shot me through the heart and
Now we'll never be the same
So I sit and wait for Pistol Dave

This dude was not the one to idolize
More like the one to me
To quickly say aight goodbye
Never liked the guy
The crew was drunk the driver’s twice as high
Jumped ship
Whole life flashin’ before my eyes
Who the fuck is this?
Dave would bump his ugly lips
Drove the bus half lit
Few cans short of a six pack
Flashing Russian prison tats (what?)
I asked ‘im if he’d like to smoke
He said ‘I’d like to get wet’
I said 'I’d like to get home'
He said ‘I’d like to get head’
Commenced to using the CB to move his HPV
My views of human decency would
Cease to be the same

But at least he was cheap
He left without getting paid
That’s Dave, the roadhog swallowin’ dust
Who bought his own trucks with Marlboro Bucks
That’s Dave, the first plague monkey in space
I asked him for my lighter
He punched me in the face
That’s Dave, the truck stop handjob king
Copped lube from the bathroom vending machine
Got mean when we asked
About the missing amount
Took two bouncers and three cops
To bring him down that’s Dave

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You will not be charged for this call
This call is from an inmate
At a federal prison
This call is being recorded and
Is subject to monitoring
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Whoo started on a 69
Kissin’ on a hot piece of puss
In between sips of fizzy wine
These twin city piggies tryin’ to
Hit me with a fine
Like my middle initial isn’t ‘gimme mine’

Got me out there huggin’ her shoulder
Like there hasn’t always been
Dispensaries up in Boulder
Like they’s never mention on me when
They speak of the devil
My name’s Dave, the pistol’s made of metal

I told a webcam model
‘Call me Martian Brando’
The bandana headband hair like Rambo
Commando, but the pants still saggin’
Dabbin’ in the bathroom with
The mother of dragons

She put the bus in reverse
She mixed the dust with the herb and
Then we fucked in the church, huh
Trenchcoat feelin’ like Judd Nelson
Yo, Dave, what the fuck are they yellin’?