Rats: The Rusical

Can you fit up a drainpipe?

Scavenge the bins?

Have 6. 000 babies?

Trial new medicines?

Can you slip in the toilet?

Spread death and disease?

Do you eat your own feces?

Mmm, better than cheese

Do you like biting children?

I live in disgrace

Let's terrorize humans

It's time to infest

We're the rat attack brats
Forgettable rats
Parasitic rats
Satanical rats
Rat attack rats
Scum of the night
Nauseating
And ready to fight

CGI's a mess
And we have human hands

What the hell is going on here?

No one understands

Um, excuse me
My name's Jane
And I'm a little lost
My owner's just flushed me
Down the toilet

Ugh, quit squeaking, kid
I'm Scat Rat
This is Scabies
We're the hood rats
That run these streets
We only care about

RuPaul's Rat Race

RuPaul's Rat Race
Whiskers twitchin'
RuPaul's Rat Race
May the best rodent win

Ho-ho-ho-hold up
Rewind that track

Rat-egory is
Bring It To The Subway
Subway, Su-su-su-subway

Whiskers, fur, claw, nose
Coming for y'all rat hos
Despot sex, tail for days
Sick bitches, and watch me slay

Eenie, meenie, miney, mo
Bitch, house rats got nowhere to go
I'm the big cheese, don't scatter, please
Gonna win this race, give the crown to me

Rat-a-tat-rat, rat-a-tat-rat
Rat-a-tat-rat, rat

Rat-a-tat-rat, rat-a-tat-rat
Rat-a-tat-rat, rat

RuPaul's Rat Race
May the best rodent
Best rodent win

What is this, exactly?
Is this a movie or a stage show?

Andrew Lloyd Webber would never greenlight this mess

What am I meant to do with this?
Who are they?

Ugh
Ugh

They're the rat pack
AKA
The extras
The extras

We all thought Rats
Would be a huge success
But looks like we signed up
To a real hot mess

Now that Oscar's out of sight
We can't leave now until it's morning light

The running time's
Too long
The CGI's
All wrong

Can we have a rewrite?
I don't think we can
We really, really, really need a back-up plan
Back-up plan, back-up plan

Can we save this movie?
I don't think we can
None of this is real, it's all special effects
I'm not too sure it does the final checks

My bare arse came out on screen

The rat pack big shot had to leave

The scale is wrong
All wrong
They made my tail
Too long

Can we have another movie?
I don't think we can
We really, really, really need a back-up plan

Can we save this movie?
I don't think we can

Everybody, quick
It's Depravity and her pesky sidekick Diphtheria

Oops!

Dysentery!

Wrong Rusical!

I'm the psycho killer
Rat thumb on the trigger
I'll destroy your babies
My bite will give you scabies

I'm the rat castrator
Planning to kill you later
I will feast your dinner
Eat you up and lick you away

Now I set my trap
I'll get you for that
Now I set my trap
I'll get you, little rat

I'm the sick and twisted rat
That's been blacklisted
I'll kill all the rats
Feed them all to the cats

Now I set my trap, whoo
I'll get you for that
Now I set my trap
I'll get you, little rat

They've ratted on us!
Quick, get out of here!

Wow
Uh-huh

Rat got your tongue?

Who are you?

My name is Evita von Fleas

Wait, but isn't that a different Rusical, too?
Oh, it's all so confusing!

Oh, don't cry for me
This is a way better part

Hit it!

Yes

The second you get a skin rash
Feeling like you're about to have a seizure
It's the rat-bite fever
So trashy, so sexy
Hey, won't you fill me in on how to get so sweaty

Ooh, ahh

Let me just spill you the tea
I'll flash a nipple, I'm your filthy fantasy

Swing it, baby

Rat-bite fever
Rat-bite fever
Rat-bite fever
Rat-bite fever

Spread your legs and make 'em pee

Cover yourselves

My name is Dame Doody Stench
And this Rusical ain't over
Until the last fat lady sings

It's Specimen One!
The oldest lab rat!
She's got a few memory problems
So I'll help her with this next one

All alone in the drainpipes
She dreams of an uncaged life
She was sickening then
With frazzled fur and itchy with scuzz

The nights keep getting colder
Keep back, hold your distance
Disease is taking over
Stroke me

Who cares about hygiene?
Just look at my mammaries
Please ignore all the pus

Just a lab rat, a lonely rat
Who yearns to be loved

Look, my tail has fallen off

Death drop! Oh!

Shablam!

Eew!
Eew!

It's RuPaul-dronomy

Who's that?

Oh, shut up!
Oh, shut up!

The time has come to announce the winner of RuPaul's Rat Race

10 rodents stand before me

Oh. Seven rodents stand before me

You've gotta be kidding

Two rodents stand before me

We did it!
We killed the bitches!

Oh, rats

The end

Be forewarned
We will be your masters