Mother Knows Best

So you think you know
How to wipe your own nose
You think you know
How to button your clothes
You don't know shit
If you hadn't already guessed
You're just a bump on the log of life,
Cause mother knows best

She tells everybody
She was born in a ditch
She back-combs her hair
Till she looks like a witch
Wolves in her train,
Serpents suckle at her breast
Don't forget to wash behind your ears,
Cause mother knows best

O you lost your job,
Well ain't that a shame
You got nobody but yourself to blame
You deserve everything you get
For such a carelessness
And don't eat your peas off the knife,
Cause mother knows best

So your baby's hungry, so your baby's sick
Don't make babies, that'll do the trick
Put another string of barbed wire
In your little love nest
It's better than a cardboard box,
Cause mother knows best

She got a zombie army to serve her well
She got a thousand bloodhounds
From the gates of hell
She got a hundred black horses
With sulfur and coal on their breath
And she rides the unbelievers down,
Mother knows best

She says "Bring me your first-born,
And I'll suck their blood
Bring me your poor,
I can trample in the mud
Bring me your visionaries,
I can put out their eyes
And bring me your scholars,
I'll have them all lobotomized,
Cause mother knows best