Excuses & Denials

The filmstrip slows the pace of every mistake
I wish I could wash these memories off my skin
I was still never meant to win
I was still never meant to win
Unsatisfied with everything
Once you get a taste It's not enough to sustain
I need something that I've never had before
I don't want anymore
No serenity
Loyalty to the dead and dying but I lie to myself
Midnight phone calls and unslept street lights become habitual
Out of step with myself and out of love with the world
Nothing is secure and nothing is safe today
Chasing down my disgrace, nauseated at my blood and face
Weeping family tree blooms
Predetermined in the womb
There was no love here
There was no love
The filmstip slows the pace of every mistake
I wish I could wash these memories off my skin
Humiliation becomes primitive law
Doubt remains my only true God
Chaos lives between her legs
But it feels like a cold hotel
I just want my day in the sun
But this hell on earth is the only promise