Staring at the Sun

How can I get any rest?
Thinking about how it could change
This weighs on my mind
Staring at the sun until I go blind

Why am I stuck like this
There's no way to come back
I feel the same after years passed
Hurt doesn't end it's all I am

One word is all it takes
For someone to decide if it's time to leave
If I just answered the call 
I might not have to greave
I know it's wrong
to have these thoughts
It's so fucking hard
living with regret
I never wanted it to amount to this
A monument to a life of what ifs

What could I change,
what the fuck could I say?
All the pain I wish I could take
I just needed another day

Do you know how that feels
Staring at the knife
Wishing I could take back a life
Why the fuck does this deal
have to be sealed

Do you know how it feels
Do you know how it feels

I heard it over and over again
that this was the last day
A thousand things in my head
that I never got the chance to say
I'm not a man of god but I started to pray
Just hoping in that place that she's okay

I try to get better
But what can I really do
I lost my mind losing you
Now everything feels new

The time takes its toll on me
I don't even know what to believe
I know you didn't want to be here
You made that so clear
I'd do anything
to bring you back if I could
All the tears and all the years believe me I would