Rumination

(I'm getting older you know not no youngin no more. I still feel the same as I did though sometimes it's crazy cause like
Bro I lost a homie in 2018 and we had problems that didn't even really mean shi like that fr
And I tried to change and be a beacon of light in a dark world
And I found myself still surrounded by darkness right
I'm starting to realize that damn
Sometimes the beacon is lit because you need aid)

[Hook]
Trapped in self doubt
I been tryna touch the sky but my heads stuck inside the cloud
I been tryna preach about a light that's slowly going out
But nobody gives a fuck so you can shut your fucking mouth
Hearing calls from in the housе
Feel like sanity in drought
Ideation having bouts
Everyday a fucking strugglе when you're quiet as mouse
Try to juggle all your projects they won't get yo money roused
Mental health is none but rubble using words you can't pronounce
Try to leap and you gone tumble you ain't ever gonna bounce

[Verse]
Words I'm saying to myself my existence is my Hell
I been traveling the castle don't think imma ring the bell
I been tryna fight the battle but it's never going well
I've been fighting off the saddle wonder if I'm next to fail
For too long my minds been rattled thunder underneath the hail
Can't afford to get caught up cause I'm too broke to pay a bail
Never listened when they taught us now I feel it's no avail

(and see like
These are conversations I have with myself regularly
Every day I struggle with this shit and like I want to try and do better and be better but like
It feels like my life revolves around what I hate
And it's - it's fucking annoying
And I'm so
I'm fed up)

Prolly causing every single problem that I got
Prolly causing stress it'd all be better if I stopped
Only way you bettering the world is through a shot
Haters say that everything would solve if I just dropped

Only talking for these songs
I been tryna figure out what I been doing all wrong
First I woke up today bet that's where it got started
Giving them a target till the day I turn heartless

Everything you say I've prolly said that shit first
Every curse you done gave me been manifest worst
I been dealing with the darkness feeling like I'm boutta burst
Gotta bad hand to mouth from years reliant on the herb
But I could never kill myself I'm gone keep waiting for my turn
But I know I ain't gone get it till my body burned
Ashes in the urn

[Hook]
Ain't nobody gone watch when you finally gone pounce
You ain't ever get no bread always blowing through those ounces