I WISH I KNEW

[Verse]
I'll only die after my mom dies
I don't wanna see her cry seein' me lie face forward in my coffin
Restin' my eyes for the fuckin' final time
When I was 5, she told me that, "If you die
I'll follow in your footsteps and kill myself and fly high"
Not only did that traumatize
But now I got this weight on my chest to just not die
Stranger's eyes as I pass by, why they lookin' at me, why they lookin' at me?
Hands on my face as I start to cry
Everyone in black, head down, prayin' to the sky
I see your face plastered on a poster
Set up on a stand, at your feet are roses
Your face is palе white like a ghost is
I'm so distraught, I can't focus, fuck
The pain nеver ends and I wish I knew why
I've fallen into the void and I cannot escape
All my heart does is break, dead bodies in my dreams
All this shit I can't take, pain's a hard thing to shake, uh
Stranger's eyes watchin' every single move
All this goddamn time and I'm still out of my groove
Who's gotta approve all this shit I be fuckin' doin'?
I wish I could off myself, but I gotta keep it movin'
I forgot to feed my dog and now she's dead
Negative thoughts in my head, I wish I knew where I went
And when I died, but if I found out, I'd probably cry
That shit makes me terrified
Then, there's the question of my body when I pass
Do I get it cremated or bury me with the rest?
Will I die before my parents?
I wish I didn't have these thoughts, fuck, uh
I didn't have a lot of friends growin' up
Birthday invites were sent out but nobody would show up
My dad sayin' he worried 'bout me and shit
Drive by during recess to check on me and shit, uh
I built up an emotional wall to barricade my thoughts
I was a loner, I was lost
Lifeless bodies in caskets haunt me
I wish I knew a cure for me
I'm sorry I'm not a perfect son
I wish I knew how to be a better one
And I wish I knew how to stop fuckin' apologizin'
If I didn't, I knew that I'd be lyin'
Am I a good friend?
Am I a good lover?
Are the people in my life hidin' all their feelings under covers?
Under covers, under covers, under covers
I wish I knew
I wish I knew
I wish I knew
I wish I knew
I wish I knew
I wish I knew

[Instrumental Outro]