Calling You

It must have been 3 A.M. when the text came in
The sum of my fears
My stomach bendin', my thumb was tremblin'
No pun intended, but I wanted to die
But it's all for myself
Then it read, "KB, this time it's real, homie I can't live"
It was in all caps
But I knew he had no caps on his gun or his pills
So I ripped out the door
All the covers down on the floor
No shoes, I just walk on my tears
Callin' him over and over and over again
While I'm throwing the car into gear
How could he be so selfish?
Will this happen, felt it
Why won't he answer, answer, answer, he answer!
"Jason, hello?"

Suicide, suicide, suicide
Got one in the chamber
It's waitin' to take you right out tonight
Don't roll the dice, roll the dice, roll the dice
It's all on the table, it's all for the takin'
But what's the odds?

I parked in the street
At the car with the keys
Should I call the police?
What if he turns it on me?
Then I looked up, is that him over the sink?
I can't think
My tongue is as heavy as my heart, I can't speak
Every time I blink I'm a step closer
My heart about to burst
As I close up on the front door and give the doorbell a ring
It was unlocked so I ran to top staircase
As I stare, got a case on the floor
"Jason, open up"
Continued to knock
"Jason, open up, you ain't gotta do this"
What about the kids?
Don't go Judas, you got reason to live
We could get through this, don't give in"
Then I heard movement and a voice I'll never forget
He said, "Stop it, stop it!
I'm about to cock it!
You barely called back when I was in Iraq
Just leave homeboy, I got this
You know the truth is I had to shoot kids
I'm so guilty (Open the door!)
And God might let it go (Open the door!)
But I'll never forgive me (Jason!)
Why not? (I care, I care about you)
The Army never trained me to care
You don't know the horror of living in a war zone
Then coming back to civilian affairs
I made my bed, the tables were set
My wife moved out, I don't see my kids
Everything that gave me meaning is gone
The grief stays seeded and bleeds to the bone
I want out!

Suicide, suicide, suicide
Got one in the chamber
It's waitin' to take you right out tonight
Don't roll the dice, roll the dice, roll the dice
It's all on the table, it's all for the takin'
But what's the odds?

I ain't have a word, not a story not a verse
But the silence, I'm trying not to make this worse
I pray and I googled a search
Nothing from school that will work
But I grew up in the church, so what do I do?
Just fell to my knees and I started to blurt
I don't understand this, I don't understand this
But you been looking to the weed and them dancers
Don't be conned by the Ye
Nobody in the West got the answers
Let's get established, your life isn't yours to demand it
You can't do what you please
Jason, I love you, but the next step is God homie
You ain't escaping a thing
You know Jesus he wanted to die in that garden
Acquainted to man up his sorrows
But he kept up the fight
'Cause he knew joy, it was coming tomorrow
You haven't squeezed that revolver
'Cause you know that there's hope at the end of the tunnel
Embrace it, don't matter how faint it
God is not silent, please hear what he's

Jason!
911 what's your emergency?
Yes, uh I-I gotta friend, and uh, he's locked himself in the bathroom
And I just heard a gun go off and I don't know
Okay, calm down sir, are you able to get inside the room?
Yeah, he, he's got me locked out (I see you)
Okay, can you try to get inside the room? (I hear you)
Hold on, I'mma try to
Sir? (Oh, who's calling you?)
Jason!
Okay, he's, he's not shot, he dropped the gun but he's passed out (I see you, I hear you)
Sir, I'm gonna need you to calm down
No you calm down! (Who's calling you, oh oh oh)
Send help quick!

Oh who's calling you, oh oh oh?
Oh who's calling you?