I Trap You

Love is a self-made thing
I am free
I stare at the air and I see patterns

And your name is a song in my chest
The taste is metallic
How many billions walk this planet?
I feel them, I feel them!

You show me my mass

Love is an endless sky
An endless cliché that imagines itself to be deep revelation

An open face
An open palm
An open plain

All open

The more that we close it the less that we know it
And just 'cause I know it
Don't mean I know how to show it
They're taking everything from us and telling us nothing is ours
But here we are, dancing

You make me a microscope
You make me a map

I called it love
I should have called it
Trap

"I trap you!" I should have said tenderly
At the end of a long day
While we kept each other desperately stagnant

I trap you so much!

Yes, I want you to be happy
But don't threaten my happiness
Can't you see I'm walking this threadbare tightrope?
Made out of dental floss stitched together with strands of tobacco and dog hair
And it stretches between two precious fantasies
My fantasy of me
And my fantasy of you
And beneath, in raging red, chopped, razor, toothed states of fury
Are all my insecurities
And all the little lies I like to tell myself
And every other reason that I can't see the truth

"I trap you so much!"
I should have whispered in your ear as we fell asleep
Bodies unbound
Sheets soaked
Hearts hammering

If I see it clear will it stay clear?
Will it be clear when you're here?

I don't want fear, I don't want greed
I want freedom, I want to be freed
I want you to be freed

I want to nourish
I don't want to feed
Like some ravenous mouth
With no guts only greed
Endless appetite
Need
Need
Need
You can't free me
I free me
I breathe

If I am in pieces, is it easier to see?

I think I am whole now
I think I am more whole
But I still check my phone seventeen times a minute
To see if you called and I missed it

Trap
Love is a self-made thing
Love is a self-made
Trap