Before the Ship Sinks

I pour another round get my head straight 
I’m looking all around it’s a checkmate
I'm tryna hold it down in the  best way 
And trying not to drown if the ship sinks
But we gon be alright we gon be fine 
We gon be alright we just need time 
We gon be alright we gon be fine
But I’ll be holding on for the mean time
Sometimes I wish I had a fresh start
A clean slate can I press start
I been constantly obsessing bout the future feeling stupid 
Unaware that I’ve been living through the best parts
My cousin Mark called my line  he said he proud of me
I won’t forget the night he called me I was sound asleep
I could barely hear a word just the sound of weeps
His dad died unexpectedly fuck 
He already lost his moms what the fuck is going on
He barely 24 I’m tryna tell him stay strong like I understand
But I don't understand shit
That’s why I never judge on how another man lives
The trauma in your brain takes up all the bandwidth
Tryna heal the pain apply another bandage huh 
I was sipping whiskey till I dozed off
It helps me open up I’m usually closed off
I always thought suppressing my emotions was the proper thing to do
I never knew that I was so off 
Parents never taught me they were fighting demons
So my older brother watched me
We don’t talk a lot but I know he’s always got me 
We been through the same shit
You don’t choose the hand I guess that’s just the way the game is
Man we always made it work overthinking shit that only made it worse 
I used to write a verse and be late to work
I had to do whatever it would take to work
Been through real shit this ain’t rehearsed 
I told 'em Ima be the one to break the curse 
I pour another round get my head straight
I’m looking all around it’s a checkmate
I'm tryna hold it down in the  best way 
And trying not to drown if the ship sinks