Comprehensive Evaluation (Skit)

Hey buddy, come in and have a seat
Your mom told me you didn't wanna come in and see me today because of our last conversation
And I apologize, buddy, I really do
I shouldn't have lashed out like that
I was out of character
I mean, you're only eight years old
And I had no business talking to you that way
So I wanted to extend a very sincere apology to you
You think we can be friends and get over this?

I guess so

That a boy
And I promise from this day forward
that if you don't act like a little fucking retard and piss me off again, I won't lash out like that
There's consequences for everything, Joyner
You act like a little prick, you get the mean doctor you don't wanna see
It's that simple
Now, mom tells me you don't really like the prescription I gave you

Not really

Well, what if I told you that I had a prescription that you can't get at the pharmacy?

Like what?

You ever used cocaine, Joyner?

What's that?

How about lean?

I never heard of it

Give me your backpack

Why?

I'm gonna put a few things in there for you
And I guarantee this will take all your ADHD away for good
How's that sound?

Um

It'll be our little secret

I'm not sure about this

Don't tell mom
If you do, no more treatment for you

[Joyner's Doctor]
Hey buddy, come in and have a seat
سلام، رفیق؛ بیا تو و بشین
Your mom told me you didn't want to come in and see me today because of our last conversation
مامانت بهم گفت بخاطر صحبت قبلی‌مون نمی‌خواستی بیای اینجا و منُ ببینی
And I apologize, buddy, I really do
و معذرت می‌خوام، رفیق؛ واقعاً
I shouldn't have lashed out like that
نباید اونطوری از کوره در می‌رفتم
I was out of character
رفتارم به جا نبود
I mean, you're only eight years old
یعنی، تو فقط هشت سالته
And I had no business talking to you that way
و من نباید اونطوری باهات حرف می‌زدم
So I wanted to extend a very sincere apology to you
پس می‌خوام صمیمانه ازت عذرخواهی کنم
You think we can be friends and get over this?
فکر می‌کنی بتونیم دوست باشیم و فراموشش کنیم؟

[Child Joyner]
I guess so
گمونم آره

[Joyner's Doctor]
That-a-boy
همینه
And I promise, from this day forward
و قول می‌دم که از امروز به بعد
That if you don't act like a little fucking retard and piss me off again
که اگه مثل یه عقب‌مونده‌ی لعنتی رفتار نکنی و دوباره منُ عصبانی نکنی
I won't lash out like that
دیگه اونطوری از کوره در نمی‌رم
There's consequences for everything, Joyner
هرکاری عواقبی در پی داره، جوینر
You act like a little prick, you get the mean doctor you don't wanna see
مثل یه پفیور کوچولو رفتار کنی، اون دکتر بدجنسه که نمی‌خوای ببینیش گیرت میاد
It's that simple
به همین سادگیه
Now, mom tells me you don't really like the prescription I gave you
خب، مامانت بهم می‌گه از داروهای اون نسخه‌ای که برات نوشتم خوشت نمیاد

[Child Joyner]
Not really
نه واقعاً

[Joyner's Doctor]
Well, what if I told you that I have a prescription that you can't get at the pharmacy?
خب، چی می‌گی اگه بهت بگم یه نسخه‌ای برات دارم که توی داروخونه نمی‌تونی بگیری؟

[Child Joyner]
Like what?
مثلاً چی؟

[Joyner's Doctor]
You ever used cocaine, Joyner?
تا حالا کوکائین مصرف کرد، جوینر؟

[Child Joyner]
What's that?
اون دیگه چیه؟

[Joyner's Doctor]
How about lean?
لین چطور؟

[Child Joyner]
I never heard of it
تا حالا اسمشُ نشنیدم

[Joyner's Doctor]
Give me your backpack
کوله‌پشتیت رو بهم بده

[Child Joyner]
Why?
چرا؟

[Joyner's Doctor]
I'm going to put a few things in there for you
برات یه چیزایی می‌ذارم توش
And I guarantee this will take all your ADHD away for good
و تضمین می‌کنم که همه‌ی اَی‌دی‌اچ‌دی‌ ات رو از بین می‌بره
How's that sound?
به نظرت چطوره؟

[Child Joyner]
Um
آم

[Joyner's Doctor]
It'll be our little secret
راز کوچیک بین خودمونه

[Child Joyner]
I'm not sure about this
مطمئن نیستم

[Joyner's Doctor]
Don't tell mom
به مامانت نگی
If you do, no more treatment for you
اگه بگی، دیگه مداوایی برات در کار نیست