Monologue About Bermuda

Jonathan, Jonathan
Yeah
We want to know somethin'
Okay
Well have you ever been to Bermuda?
Yes, my band once played down there
What did you like about Bermuda?
Well there was something in the air
That kept soothin me and calming me down
Makin’ me feel better all around
Well it's quiet that far out at sea

Bermuda is about 600 miles east of South Carolina that's why I say its so far

Well down in Bermuda

Down in Bermuda
It turned me all around
It turned me upside down
In Bermuda
Ding ding, a boomdebaboom

Down in Bermuda
I saw how stiff I was
And I changed it just ....

Jonathan when you say how stiff you were what exactly are you talkin about?
Ok, I’ll explain it to you. Don't go away
What it means back then I was in this band, we were playin this kind of stuff there back in about 1973, we were in Bermuda and we had this job at a hotel, called the hotel Inverurie . We were playin stuff like this:

Well she cracked
And I'm sad
But I won't
She cracked
I'm hurt
Your right

Well
She
Cracked
I
Won't
She did things that I don't
She eats shit
Eat creepes, get stoned
I stay alone
Eat health food at home

Nothing snotty about that song is there? No

And she cracked
I'm there
I won’t
Well!

So we were doin stuff like that. And we were ok. But, like, we had, you know, all kinds of fender stuff, and we were goin like, and we were like playin all kinda like all trip hammers and we were goin

You know like that. And the audience was goin ’Oh that's very nice’ and stuff. You know we were kinda serious and everything. You know we had a fair amount of equipment for a group back then and everything and we're just going. You know this is pretty important, that everyday we're out there

Well! Yeah we're knockin ’em dead

Well, the trouble was the people who were really knockin them dead were these forty year old guys. Back then I never knew that I would someday be forty. Back then that was older - 'Hey they're forty year old guys!'. Well I'm gonna have to change it to 'fifty' year old. So, in other words there were people there as old as me! So, and they were the Bermuda Strollers and they all had sunglasses so you couldn't tell when one guy was lazy and just wanted to lay off that day, would call up someone else, you know and they'd be the Bermuda Strollers that day so they all had sunglasses and you couldn't tell who they were

But anyway so we were doin like a some. Bermuda Strollers had big guitars like this and everything like that. And they were playin more stuff like this type of material you know. All the college kids loved them. and they were goin...

Bang Bang Lulu
Lulu ran away
Lulu had to go bang bang
That's why she ran away

Lulu had a boyfriend
Name was 'Tommy Tukker'
Took him out to his house
To see if he could

Bang Bang Lulu
Lulu ran away
(see it still works! It was good then and it still works)
Lulu had to go bang bang
That's why she ran away

And the guitar had this great fat sound. Kinda like this you know...

And it wasn't just him. The bass player was great too. He was this old guy - old guy? sure! he was almost forty years old! Hell! - and he was in a windbreaker and everthin like that. Then you know and he was just there ... and he was just goin you know like when the lead guitar guy - their only guitar guy - was goin

The bass man's just goin

And makin it sound way bad, it's boomin. And he's great and he's just not movin, he's just kinda like chewin gum or somethin, just kinda like you know

He was like the Bill Wyman of the Caribbean. You know he's up there

And I'm watchin this and goin 'Oh, we really are stiff. These guys really are looser than us' I'm thinking to myself. Here's what I'm thinking: 'oh'

After that trip to Bermuda, you know, that band never got along as well after that. That was really the beginning of the end for us. It's true. Cause I started getting way into that kind of stuff you know. Started buyin Calypso records and things

You see? It's catchy. You gotta admit it's catchy

So that's what I mean when I say how stiff I was

Ok, now we're getting, now you can get back to your song Jonathan. Ok thanks...

Jonathan Jonathan
(yeah what?)
We want to know somethin
(yes?)
Well did you wander around Bermuda?
(in fact I did, thank you for asking)
I wandered all around
And the flowers in Bermuda
(ahh the flowers well)
They almost knocked you down
(why?)
Because they smelt so strong you know, oh oh oh
(yeah)
And it was springtime when we were down there too, oh oh oh
(yes)
Little petals all around

Down in Bermuda

Down in Bermuda
It turned me all around
It turned me upside down
In Bermuda
Ding ding

Oh, down in Bermuda
I realised how stiff I was
And I changed it just because
In Bermuda

Jonathan Jonathan
(yeah, what do you want?)
We want to know somethin