The Gnu Song

(spoken)
Here's another animal song

(sung)
[Verse 1]
A year ago, last Thursday, I was strolling in the zoo
When I met a man who though he knew the lot
He was laying down the law about the habits of baboons
And the number of quills a porcupine has got
So I asked him: What's that creature there?
He answered "Nyeh, h'it's a h'elk"
I might have gone on thinking that was true
If the animal in question hadn't put that chap to shame
And remarked "I h'ain't a h'elk, I'm a g-nu"

[Chorus]
I'm a g-nu
I'm a g-nu
The g-nicest work of g-nature in the zoo
I'm a g-nu
How d'you do?
You really ought to k-now wa-who's wa-who
I'm a g-nu
Spelt G-N-U
I'm g-not a camel or a kangaroo
So let me introduce
I'm g-neither man nor moose
Oh, g-no, g-no, g-no - I'm a g-nu

[Verse 2]
I had taken furnished lodgings down at Rustington-on-Sea
Whence I travelled on to Ashton-under-Lyne it was actually
And the second night I stayed there I was wakened from a dream
Which I'll tell you all about some other time
Among the hunting trophies on the wall above my bed
Stuffed and mounted was a face I thought I knew
A bison? No, it's not a bison
An okapi? S'unlikely
Could it be a hartebeest?
I seemed to hear a voice

[Chorus]
I'm a g-nu
A g-nother g-nu
I wish I could g-nash my teeth at you
I'm a g-nu
How d'you do?
You really ought to k-now wa-who's wa-who
I'm a g-nu
Spelt G-N-U
Call me bison or okapi and I'll sue
G-nor am I in the least
Like that dreadful hartebeest
Oh, g-no, g-no, g-no
G-no, g-no, g-no - I'm a g-nu
G-no, g-no, g-no - I'm a g-nu