Witness

Sometimes I don't believe you let me walk around above ground
With the things I've seen
You talk about learning to love with your pants on
But every time you come around you dance on the table
And let your feelings fall to the earth
That's what that sound was, it' somebody's birthday

They signed me up for the witness protection program
And I became a blind guy in a titty bar
And it was so successful
That they ran my ass for president
And got my ass elected
And at my inauguration, I stood there naked
With a hand on their biblе and I swore to uphold
My duties and my consciencе
To the best of my ability as a blind guy in a titty bar
Tin cup and white cane, the strippers as my cabinet

Oh, I am a witness
Oh, I am a witness
Oh, I am a witness

And I heard that Kennedy got killed
'Cause he was about to come clean about the aliens
I heard that the Indians got killed
'Cause they were about to introduce drive-thru fast food

I read that all of the Jews got killed
So that the museums would have something for the future
I heard that the Hutus killed all the Tutsis
'Cause otherwise they’d never see Jesus and his mother

Oh, I am a witness
Oh, I am a witness
Oh, I am a witness

They offered me tickets to go to the moon
One pair, one way, don't come back soon
They offered me to pack up my belongings for free
Before too long they'd get them to me

Care of my guide on the dark side of the moon
Who'd teach me the language and feed me with a spoon
They all came to say goodbye, one after the other
My homicidal sister and my suicide brother

The little pink children who advertise the weather
They dug up my aunt and they went down on my mother
The freed my balloon with strings of leather
Blew me away like you blow away a feather

Oh, I am a witness
Oh, I am a witness
Oh, I am a witness

So here I sit on the balcony
Freeway far as the eye can see
I got my head packed underneath my hood
I got the darkest dark sunglasses that I could

I covered up my eyes and I covered up my ears
The ballgame's on and I got a cold beer
I got photographs but don’t worry, isn't this
A beautiful night just go about your business

Oh, I am a witness
Oh, I am a witness
Oh, I am a witness
Oh, I am a witness