Five-Finger Discount

A walk through the product store and 15 aisles to see
All the pretty, pretty packages staring back at me
Which is my favorite, where is my chance
To remove the product and stick it in my pants

'Cause I want to see, what's on sale what's for free
(Every time I go to shop I steal from) enemies
Who steal from me, and from you
(If only you knew, then you would steal too)

Adrenaline rushes, the products in my grip
I am only shopping, but now it's time to lift
I look for my moment, and down my pants I stick
The product I've selected is concealed against my dick

'Cause I want to see, what's on sale what's for free
(Every time I go to shop I steal from) enemies
Who steal from me, and from you
(If only you knew, then you would steal too)

Paranoid as fuck security in tow
Is he really trailing me and does he really know?
Of my little secret my pride and his shame
This is so exciting kid, it's like a fucking game
I'm almost to the counter, will I make it to the door
Will I get away like a million times before?
Or will I be caught, jailed, banned from the store?
Like if the product I've selected slips and crashes to the floor

Five finger discount!

And I want to see, what's on sale what's for free
(Every time I go to shop I steal from) enemies
Who steal from me, and from you
(If only you knew, then you would steal too)

Paranoid as fuck security in tow
Is he really trailing me and does he really know?
Of my little secret my pride and his shame
This is so exciting kid, it's like a fucking game
I'm almost to the counter, will I make it to the door
Will I get away like a million times before?
Or will I be caught, jailed, banned from the store?
Like if the product I've selected slips and crashes to the floor

I get to the door and out the door I slide
I feel a sense of dignity, I feel a sense of pride
I do a happy dance and down the street I bail
As I have a little feast of what's on sale.