Satan’s Kind of a Dick

All my favorite metal songs make the Devil seem cool and sick
He's scary, that Beelzebub, he's spooky and he's slick
So evil on the cover of Holy Diver and Dio's never wrong
The dirty secret he'd never tell is
They don't play Slayer in Hell

The Devil makes his promises, he'll lure you in, it's a trick
But it doesn't take a genius to see he's kind of a prick
Even I know he's a dick and it's why I wrote this song
The Devil is a big fat dong and fuck you if you think I'm wrong

Metal has us all fooled
Sorry Venom and Slayer fans
But Satan isn't cool
He's actually kind of a tool

Slayer rules, Satan drools
King Diamond's cool and the Devil's a fool
The dirty secret he'd never tell is
They don't play Slayer in Hell

Metal has us all fooled
Sorry Venom and Slayer fans
But Satan isn't cool
He's actually kind of a tool

Slayer rules, Satan drools
King Diamond's cool and the Devil's a fool
The dirty secret he'd never tell is
They don't play Slayer in Hell

(Satan's kind of a dick)
When you finally get to Hell
You'll be so fucking pissed
(Satan's kind of a dick)
Hell Awaits gets no play
During your seasons in the abyss
(Satan's kind of a dick)
Strictly pop music you'll be gettin'
When you go south of Heaven
(Satan's kind of a dick)
Dick

Hell's a bad place to be, like a pool in Vegas, hot and full of assholes
And if you ask me, Satan ain't your friend, he's worse than a drunken masshole (Wicked pissa)
Ozzy spoke of the Devil long ago and that dude doesn't lie
The dirty secret he'd never tell is
They don't play Slayer in Hell

God, you even laugh like an asshole

(Satan's kind of a dick)
When you finally get to Hell
You'll be so fucking pissed
(Satan's kind of a dick)
Hell Awaits gets no play
During your seasons in the abyss
(Satan's kind of a dick)
Strictly pop music you'll be gettin'
When you go south of Heaven
(Satan's kind of a dick)

The Devil's greatest trick is making Hell sound awesome, it's fucking not
Sartre said, "Hell is other people"
Other people suck
So you're surrounded by other people
Huey Lewis is playing
Literally, Huey Lewis, the guy
He's in Hell
His hell is to play fucking forever
Meanwhile you're getting raped by a giant dog with a screaming cock
That would suck
Forever