All Too Heavy

My feet have carried me for years
As I run from this shadow
This demon I’ve made of myself
I had no choice but to collide with the wall in front of me
And as I got up off the ground
I turned and finally saw the fallout
I had taken so much from everyone
Destroyed bonds by reckless, mindless actions
Those who were close before
Walk the earth scarred with my name
I cannot replace what has been robbed
And there is no scapegoat
Just the reality that I was destructive
I denounce these behaviors
I demand better from myself
I will no longer be a source of pain
But a helping hand and a safehouse
I tell you this not out of fear
But out of need
The need to contradict what I’ve been
And give you what you deserve
A person worth believing in
Who will stand with you
And keep you safe

Checking to see if I’m breathing
Wonder has lost its meaning
When all love comes with exceptions
Maybe I’m meant to be alone

I’m cut by what I believed I needed
I get hurt so easy, now I’m fleeing
I think I need a spirit board to introspect
‘Cause it feels like I’m already dead

I saw myself and found regret
Blood from the past paints my life red
When being haunted by your own soul
You find there’s no way out but through

I can’t believe I could be so hurtful
And go so long without a living soul
Lives are changed and not for the better
And now you’ve got to live in bad weather