Val Kilmer

I always thought my movie
Would be a comedy
Not quite the tragedy that its become
More slapstick than chick-flick
More Caddy-shack than Breakfast At Tiffany's

So, thank me at the podium for a lifetime of contribution
Turn on the cameras
Someone cue the extras
Hair and makeup to the set

Because the big screen's callin'
Final casting call
Its your big shot baby your the next big star
Of another stupid movie 'bout a guy with a broken heart
Who's fallin apart
Your headed for the cutting room floor
And in the sequel honey I'm the guy who gets the girl

So if you miss my movie
Get the DVD
Check out the chemistry
Between you and me
Less Raising Arizona
More Steel Magnolias
So when you walk down that red carpet
I hope you trip and fall
I hope someone squirts you with a watergun
A super soaker filled with pee

Because the big screen's callin
Final casting call
Its your big shot baby your the next big star
Of another stupid movie about a guy with a broken heart
Who's fallin apart
Your headed for the cutting room floor
And in the sequel honey I'm the guy who gets the girl

All apologies
To Kevin Costner and that chick from Monster
Give me Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, Belushi and even Val Kilmer
He was funny in 'Real Genius'

What about 'Top Gun'?

No, 'Top Gun' wasn't funny

Whatever

Top secret was funny too
But he sucked as Batman

Because the big screen's callin'
Final casting call
Of another stupid movie about a guy with a broken heart
Who's fallin' apart
Your headed for the cutting room floor
And in the sequel honey I'm the guy who gets the girl