Just Leave Everything To Me

I have always been a woman who arranges things
For the pleasure and the profit it derives
I have always been a woman who arranges things
Like furniture and daffodils and lives

If you want your sister courted, brother wed, or cheese imported
Just leave everything to me
If you want your roof inspected, eyebrows tweezed, or bills collected
Just leave everything to me
If you want your daughter dated or some marriage consummated
For a rather modest fee
If you want a husband spotted, boyfriend traced, or chicken potted
I'll arrange for making all arrangements
Just leave everything to me

If you want your ego bolstered, muscles toned, or chair upholstered
Just leave everything to me
Charming social introductions, expert mandolin instructions
Just leave everything to me
If you want your culture rounded, French improved, or torso pounded
With a ten year guarantee
If you want a birth recorded, collies bred, or kittens boarded
I'll proceed to plan the whole procedure
Just leave everything to me

Where to Dolly?
Yonkers, New York
To handle a highly personal matter for Mr. Horace Vandergelder
The well known unmarried half a millionaire
Gonna marry him yourself, Dolly?
Why, Mr. Sullivan, what ever put such a preposterous idea into my head?
Your head

If you want a law abolished, jury swayed, or toenails polished
Just leave everything to me
If you want your liver tested, glasses made, cash invested
Just leave everything to me
If you want your children coddled, corsets pulled, or furs remodeled
Or some nice, fresh fricassee
If you want your bustle shifted, wedding planned, or bosom lifted
Don't be ashamed girls
Life is full of secrets and I keep 'em

I'll discretely use my own discretion
I'll arrange for making all arrangements
I'll proceed to plan the whole procedure
Just leave everything to me