Short-Term Mating Dance

Assembling in these dense colonies
Provides the social stimulation
That is the key to coordinating their breeding

Tonight’s documentary presentation
Will explore the short-term mating behaviour
Of one of the most remarkable creatures in all creation
The Homo sapien
Homo sapiens, also known as “humans”
Generally mate in pairs, creating the illusion
Of a monogamous constitution
But the truth is slightly more elusive
As is often the case as evolution advances
The preferred strategy depends on circumstances
And scientists, seeking answers
Look to these elaborate courtship dances
Males and females congregate
In large colonies to display their traits
They often fail to find long-term mates
But so much flesh will not go to waste

And it’s now that the advantages
Of breeding in such dense colonies become clear
We’ve got a short-term mating dance
Up in here, up in here, up in here
They’ve come to breed
We’ve got a short-term mating dance
Up in here, up in here, up in here

Note the sexual dimorphism
The enlarged male form is invariably caused
By competition for female attention
Charles Darwin called this “sexual selection”
But the females also compete
For male parental investment
For this species, like no other
Has a grotesquely prolonged adolescence
Given this fact of developmental anatomy
Some have questioned whether a naturally-
Selected short-term female mating strategy
Could even exist, but in fact, it’s mathematically
Certain, for, every short-term copulation
That results in conception requires the participation
Of one male and one female, hence
There must be a mutual inclination

And it’s now that the advantages
Of breeding in such dense colonies become clear
We’ve got a short-term mating dance
Up in here, up in here, up in here
Females can make their choice from many males
While successful males can have access
To lots of females

One theory is short-term mating
For long-term gain, females may appraise
The quality of mates from a single liaison
To decide whether to allow them to stay on
Concealed ovulation allows frequent mating
With little fear of conception
And keeps males guessing – those who excel
In dominance competitions enjoy short-term preference
Which suggests that it’s all about the father’s genetics
The best ones for feathering the nest
And providing temporary protection, may not be
The best ones for siring sexy sons
But of course, this can be dangerous
The scientific study of Homo sapiens
Is rather recent, so we can only speculate
On the reasons for much of their extraordinary behaviour

And it’s now that the advantages
Of breeding in such dense colonies become clear
We’ve got a short-term mating dance
Up in here, up in here, up in here
They’ve come to breed
We’ve got a short-term mating dance
Up in here, up in here, up in here
They’ve come to breed
We’ve got a short-term mating dance
Up in here, up in here, up in here
They’ve come to breed
After a few days, this gigantic spawning
Comes to an end