When You're Dead

The other day
I took a walk because the air was sweet
And I passed the crusty house
Of a curmudgeon on my street
Now, every town has got one
So I'm sure you'll understand
When I tell you this old bastard
Is a mean and bitter man
Now, this day, it was special
I was wearin' my new hat
The old curmudgeon saw this
And he disapproved of that he said
"I've had one just like it for
Ten years You ripped me off!
You got no right to wear a hat like mine
So take it off!"
Now as it happens, I'm a gentleman
So I approached his porch
I told him, "Great minds think
Alike, and you have one, Of course!
So, how about I just tip my hat
To you when I come through?"
He reached down for his gun and said
"I'll shoot you if you do!"

And I said "No one's gonna
Cry at your funeral
No one's gonna drink at your wake
No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye
'Cause no one's gonna miss you
When you're dead"

The next day
I forgot this whole damned mess
And went to town and there
I saw a hundred or so posters all around
And on them was my face
And I was wearing my new hat
And they read, "This guy ripped me off
I've got one just like that!"
I took a walk down to his house
To see if I could find
A way to show him that we're
Kindred spirit's of the mind
I said, "I didn't make these
Hats, nor did you, Of course
And hey we both love Johnny Cash!"
He said, "Get off my porch!"

And I said "No one's gonna
Cry at your funeral
No one's gonna drink at your wake
No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye
'Cause no one's gonna miss you
When you're dead"

And I said
"No one's gonna cry at your funeral
No one's gonna drink at your wake
No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye
'Cause no one's gonna miss you
When you're dead"

When you look back on your life
What will you see?
Did you spend your time mending fences
Or planting mines?
There's no shortage of potential enemies
So don't waste so mush time
Pushing away your kind

I thought I must be stupid
Or just crazy from the heat
When I went down to the house
Of that curmudgeon on my street
Maybe it was foolish to go to his house again
Just to show this crazy drunken
Fool he had a friend
When I got there, much to my surprise
He wasn't there
He was gone, as was his shotgun
And his rocking chair
I asked the neighbor lady
Who was laying on her lawn
"What happened to that mean old man?"
She shrugged and that was all

And I said "No one's gonna
Cry at your funeral
No one's gonna drink at your wake
No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye
'Cause no one's gonna miss you
When you're dead"

And I said
"No one's gonna cry at your funeral
No one's gonna drink at your wake
No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye
'Cause no one's gonna miss you
Hell, no one's gonna notice
And I'll enjoy the silence
When you're dead"