love to be alive

there's something nice about
being around people who love to be alive
or at least seem to be that way
i wish that i could feel that way

just ephemeral feelings
whiplash has me reeling
counting marks on the ceiling
how is this living?

and i've been socialising
slowly realising
just how all of my hiding
has reality subsiding
do you know how that feels?
should i tell you how it feels?

still find myself writing
about how i'm fighting
if i can't put all this behind me
it's likely no one will find me
hidden away

if i bleed
i might leave
but all i need
is here
it's crazy i know
a martyr for show
do i even want to be put in the ground
is there something to wait out?
a party i'm late for?
all things considered i guess should stick around

there's something nice about
being around people who love to be alive
i'll try to feel that way
but i can't promise anything

if i swear i'll do better
can i have a moment to breathe?
after everything after that one spring
i didn't think i could love to be alive again

i didn't think
no i didn't think
no i didn't think
i could love to be alive again

and i'll try to feel that way
and i'll try to feel that way again