Straight Suicidal

[Verse]

I just wanna die, so I can hold nobody back
I wanna kill myself 'cause none of ya'll understand
Death is the only thing I still feel 'til this day
Why should a quiet child, in mild denial be this way?
I should put the Wesson to my head and send myself straight to Heaven
So my mother doesn't worry about my presence
Anymore, I wanna learn my own lesson
Suicide's the best choice, blessed with poison, point me at death
Disappointed in me, yes, left alone by all sides
I wonder, if I should give up this life of my mine
Nothin' but hurt and pain combined, I wish my time can run out
I wish somebody can finally can manage to gun me down
Stress-free, everybody agree that I'm worthless
I deserve to be reserved in a grave, and served to
Death on a silver platter, so the barrel stands still
Against my temple, death monumental in my plan, for real
Those that struck my core and left my heart broken hate me
And that's more than half the people that I know daily
I'm meaningless, I can't wait 'til the bullet passes
Flashes of my body draped on the fuckin' pavement
Throw a parade when I hang myself
Laugh and crack jokes, so all your folks look past my struggle
Final thoughts runnin' through my mind as I'm cryin' tears
I cower out with suicide so I can run away from fear
The damage that I've managed to have inside, relies
In the hands of the nigga who takes my life
I'm tired and sick of it, mind is ridiculous, sickenin'
Wishin' for somebody to kill me with a blunt object
Or any choice of weapon, rejoice my death, not my livin'
Everybody's better off with me, in my opinion
Just another nigga dead by his own gun
It's the thought of everybody not givin' a fuck about him
I don't want nobody mourning at my funeral
Everybody close to me can go and show kudos
To God himself, for letting me leave Earth early
I don't wanna be a burden or a fuckin' people person
I wanna tell him why I can't stand my life
All the hurt I received and achieved in my time
The so-called gifted vision everybody visits
Is not my kinda thing, I wanna walk toward the white lighting
Dead in the dirt, or the ash in the urn
I don't wanna anybody lookin' up to me as worthy
I wanna leave this place, complete my mean mistakes and forget them
All this family, rules and girlfriends'll cause whirlwinds
Depression
I'm edgin' to get a knife from the kitchen
And stitchin' my skin with it 'til the vision in my eye leaves
I wanna meet God and sob on his shoulder
Say that I couldn't make it, and failed him, impatient quota
Say I was strained in my bane, and couldn't take it seriously
I might just run in front of a truck, and get stuck
Or maybe a knife to the wrist, fixed by my own touch
I close my eye-lids, as I pile in visions of murder
My body on the concrete, blood flooded all over
And you know, I'm alone with my own thought
I'll always have that feeling of being simply distraught

I'm suicidal