The Nuns of Gavin

Act 1: Mother
Actually Wife

The cat's on fire, and there's someone on the whiskers
Get off the fucking whiskers
You're a full grown man for God's sake
The utility room is muddy
Who didn't clear up in here?
Come on, own up
I specifically asked Dave to do it
And he didn't
When I catch him, he'd wish he'd never been born
I don't mean that, that's just mean
But he has got a shit name, Dave
Tosser

The year is 4

And then the hours

One day, Dave (Tosser), paragon of morons, tablе tennis champion
And bicycle broccoli lover dеcided to find out why
Yes, just why
He didn't know why
Why
Why why
Why's he why's he why's he (?)
Anyway, fuck off Marjorie
He was walking in the park the other day
When he spotted some organic tomatoes
Now, then, hello, (?) the duck in the pond acquired on noticing Dave
Dave suddenly spotted and picked his nose
Then he picked up a map
It was a map of Rochdale, and a nose belonging to him
After seven long days and nights, he reached Rochdale
Promptly, bought some Stilton
And booked a room and went in for the night
Tosser

No, Dave, don't go in the scary Scot room
It's full of Scots
Tosser

Act 2: Flashback

Marjorie is my wife
I hate her
I am going to kill her with a ratchet

Act 3: (?)

AAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAA
A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A H

I am the innkeeper
I am pivotal to the the age of life and times
Yep
Dave, you can stay here for a very short time except Tuesday
When we have national lumberjacks
Yes
The national lumberjacks are coming here
I'm quite excited
They are meant to be quite a spectacle
No, I don't think there is a co-op near here, sorry
So yes, bye
See you tomorrow
(?)
Bye

Act 4: Dave's Hallucination

I love rock and roll
So put another dime in the jukebox, baby
I love rock and roll
So put another juke in the dimebox, baby
I like beef and cheese
It is better than other... food

After Dave peeled himself from the barroom floor
After he put the last duke in the bikeslox
He set off for Rotterdam
And the whole thing about to complete his aim of which the audience don't know
Nor do the creators
Fuck off Marjorie
Duck soup is what he ate that evening, and he loved it
Except the waiter was quite rude
Fucking waiter
And then he enjoyed a good sleep